They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
