You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
