I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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