why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could fuck to npr.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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