called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
