I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
