blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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