Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
