GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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