is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
