My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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