dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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