I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
