Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
