well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
