she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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