we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
