What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Send help, water and tortillas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
sex in a hospital.. check
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
how does that bad decision feel?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize