I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
People in love make me want to vomit
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
