And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
