i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My vagina just recognized that song.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
