What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
