They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
