Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
