i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
