My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
