he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
