she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
