You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
