Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
