I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Vodka?
Forever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
