The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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