I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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