yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
