So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
