sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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