I wannas sexs uuuuu
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
