Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
