it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
