well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
