"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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