i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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