What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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