do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
