just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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