ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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