Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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