What did we do last night that was yellow?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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