a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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