Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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