Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
