If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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