I intend to get homeless drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
