Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
