Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
