Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
