i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
