whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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