OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
