I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
