Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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