So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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