Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
