so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
