I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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