I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
