Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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