I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
