Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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