i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
